


i could never rescue you

by billyscissors



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Last Five Years (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Bucky is Jamie, Inspired by The Last Five Years, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Steve is Cathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 22:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20033362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billyscissors/pseuds/billyscissors
Summary: steve and bucky have come to the end of the line - inspired by the last five years





	i could never rescue you

**Author's Note:**

> i just whipped this up in a couple of hours because i've always wanted to write a fic based on the last five years (which is a brilliant musical 10/10 would recommend). i'm still debating whether or not to make this into a multi-chaptered fic or keep this as a standalone one-shot. we'll see how busy i'll get with school coming up, but for now, enjoy this angst fest.

_ “I called Natasha to help me pack my bags...”  _

The clock ticks, and the world keeps on turning. He knows he is only a small, insignificant part of this universe, but he is still adamant that, in this exact moment, the planets aligned themselves just to make him feel miserable. And it’s a thought that screams the unfairness of it all. He wants to yell in anger, punch his fist through a wall, but instead, he sits in silence. 

Lying before him is a piece of paper, creased with imperfections and the handwriting rushed but familiar. He stares at it, and the clock ticks loudly in the background, unbothered and unconcerned with the man who had, not too long ago, cried until he couldn’t cry anymore. His eyes are dry and rimmed with red, but he, too, is unbothered and unconcerned. The seconds pass and leave him behind, but nothing else comes from his staring contest with a piece of paper.

_ “...I went downtown and closed the bank account…”  _

It’s a letter from Bucky. A last resort to explain why he left, why he did the things he had done. The letter is only a simple piece of paper folded thrice to fit in an envelope just as simple, but it still feels like a cruel punishment, a death sentence, as he reads the written words over and over again. It’s a painful reminder of what he had lost. 

He knows he should stop reading, he knows that it won’t help him to burn the words he wrote into his retinas, but it’s a punishment for himself for loving too hard and falling too fast and thinking that he could magically fix what had already been broken for so long. 

_ “...It’s not about another shrink…” _

Couples therapy had been a bust. It was Steve’s idea all along to try and grasp onto something that was slipping right out of his hands, but Bucky - as right as he was - thought it was a waste of time. There was no use fixing something that would always end up broken. 

Steve didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to face what was staring right in front of him. He held on to a dream for so long and let it carry him high above the dark clouds, that the fall hurt more than he could ever imagine. 

_ “...It’s not about another compromise…” _

He knows he should have seen what was coming. Their relationship, and soon their marriage, had been built on a foundation of compromises. He wishes he realized sooner that that foundation had already began to crumble long before he even uttered the words, “I do.” 

During these last five years, he had given all that he had and never asked for anything in return. Surely, that turned out to be his first mistake of many. He was young, in love, and incredibly naive to think he had finally reached his happily ever after. But that’s the thing, that kind of stuff only happened in movies. 

_ “...I’m not the only one who’s hurting here…” _

The clock ticks on, and Steve finally tears his eyes away from the letter. He stands, and suddenly, the apartment doesn’t feel like his anymore. It’s emptier, darker. The clouds had drawn overhead, outside his window, casting the room in a muted gray and ironically matching his mood. 

He walks through the apartment like a ghost, feeling unattached to the environment around him. He drifts past photos of a better time, a collection of memories that suddenly don’t seem as happy as before. There’s photos of his time in California; of Bucky with a signed copy of his book; of the two of them in that gazebo in Central Park; of their wedding day. That one hurts the most. The smiling faces that look back at him mock his sadness, making him wish that he could turn back time and return to the beginning. Maybe then, he could try and make everything hurt less. 

_ “...I don’t know what the hell is left to do…” _

It’s a wish he knows that cannot be granted, so he sits, defeated, with his back to the front of the couch. He drags his knees to closer and hugs them to his chest as he stares at his reflection in the darkened television screen. Every memory, every laugh, every tear, every kiss, every fuck reels through his mind. 

He pictures the day they first moved into this apartment. How everything seemed brighter, happier, back then. They didn’t even get to unpack their boxes, or even build their bed frame, before they dropped to the bare mattress in the middle of the living room and christened their new home. 

_ “...You never saw how far the crack had opened…” _

Memories like that continue to stream through his consciousness. Looking back, he was so certain that they’d last and that they’d be able to live to see the end together. Steve wants to be angry, wants to find where everything had gone wrong, but he is too emotionally exhausted to do anything. There’s nothing really here to help dampen the pain he feels or fill the hole in his chest. In the place that he and Bucky had built a home together, he only continues to stew in his pain. 

He can try calling Bucky again, but he knows he won’t answer. The last few times he called had been met with a dial tone, before he was finally blocked, so calling wasn’t an option anymore.

_ “...You never knew I had run out of rope…”  _

He drags himself to the bedroom, the ghost of laughter haunting him as he sits on the edge of the bed. The rest of the apartment is laid out before him, taunting him with a past he could never have again. If he closes his eyes, he can see Bucky’s smiling face, lit up by the sun streaming through their open window. 

Hundreds of memories bombard his mind, and he sits there with nowhere else to turn. The rings on his left hand feel heavy, and they remind him of all the good that had come out of their relationship, so he does feel a moment of hesitation before he builds up the courage to slide them off and let them clatter to the surface of his boudoir. They’re soon joined by a bracelet Bucky had given to him on one of their anniversaries and a watch he’d been given for Christmas. 

_ “...and I could never rescue you, no matter how I tried...”  _

He hopes Bucky feels some kind of regret. It’s only unfortunate that, in the end, the bad outweighed the good. 

There is still a part of him that wants to look on the brighter side, wants to believe that he can come out of this stronger than ever. Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned from all of this, but still, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s still hurting. 

_ “...All I could do was love you hard and let you go.” _


End file.
